Wednesday, April 29, 2009
BREAKING: DHS Swine Flu Containment Plan
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano rejected calls to close the US-Mexico border in response to the swine flu outbreak. According to the Secretary, the new DHS program to track US military veterans will provide the necessary safeguard against an outbreak of the pandemic in the US.
"The problem does not come from Mexico", claims the secretary. She identified "disaffected veterans" who have been "eating too much bacon after their long stays in Islamic countries" as the source vector.
Yet again, the secretary noted, the men and women serving the country in uniform have proven to be the greatest danger to homeland security. "DHS under the Obama administration will track every returning veteran and test them for viruses and thoughtcrimes. This proactive approach will ensure that the American public is not exposted to either"
"The problem does not come from Mexico", claims the secretary. She identified "disaffected veterans" who have been "eating too much bacon after their long stays in Islamic countries" as the source vector.
Yet again, the secretary noted, the men and women serving the country in uniform have proven to be the greatest danger to homeland security. "DHS under the Obama administration will track every returning veteran and test them for viruses and thoughtcrimes. This proactive approach will ensure that the American public is not exposted to either"
